Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
