The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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