How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
