I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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