2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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