well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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