Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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