he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
