im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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