did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
