Ambien. No doubt about it.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
