I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
