Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
