I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
