She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize