she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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