I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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