Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The Olympian is in my bed
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
