The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
