He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
