either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
