walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
