There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
