if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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