We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My balls are so social today.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
