Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
