Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize