I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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