So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
