I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
