remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He is an equal opportunity slut.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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