She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just found puke in my bra..
We are two peas in an std pod
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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