What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
