Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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