Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
