That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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