so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
