Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
