why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
