Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
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