You can't motorboat a personality
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
