I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Randomize
