I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
