pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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