She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
