....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Randomize
