Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
