so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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