We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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