Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
