i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
