i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
