she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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