Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
