then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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