yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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