8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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