Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
