Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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