Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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