i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
