normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
