hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
