Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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