I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
