when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize