I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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