Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
