alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
